Musings . . .

My head is cluttered - crammed full of stuff I'm trying to make sense of. And there's stuff that needs extracting, shredding, discarding. I need some sort of a filing system in my head where material can be sorted according to subject matter and stored in easy-to-retrieve folders as a sudden need arises.

Instead, all manner of thoughts, ideas, questions, and experiences are jumbled up together in a cloudy soup.

Everything seems connected, but yet, oddly disjointed at the same time. There's no defined beginning or end to a specific issue or line of thought.

It's not confusion. No, I'm not confused. Perhaps I'm over-loaded. Or perhaps I'm an incurable thinker. Maybe I over-evaluate life. Maybe I'm trying to learn too much, solve too many problems, and find too many answers.

But a busy, enquiring mind is far preferable to non-nonchalance and ignorance.

I need solitude for in-depth thinking. I also need solitude to allow stillness to overcome my mind, and for wisdom to take hold.

"Who so ever delighted in solitude is either a wild beast, or a god. . ." Aristotle 384 - 322 BC.

Not true! Surely in order to look after oneself properly, one needs to seek short term solitude?

I create opportunities for my own solitude when I need time out. I disengage from my material surroundings and reconnect with myself - or at least I try. I need to hear and feel my inner being - my spirit.

My time alone is usually deeply rewarding; occasionally it can induce melancholy. People who don't know me intimately probably consider me peculiar, or anti-social at times. But, whereas it appears to be the norm for most people to crave a room full of sound, or to radiate towards other people, I am soon overwhelmed by noise and crowds, and am compelled to flee. Perhaps I am peculiar.

Yes, jumbled thoughts. Crossroads, detours, interludes.

It is vital for me to have an intimate relationship with the non-human world. A healthy mind, for me, depends upon communing with Nature.

Spirituality in my world does not revolve around an all-powerful, pure god, as religious followers faithfully embrace. Spirituality is my awareness of myself as a living being beyond the physical structure of flesh and bones. An energy exists within - my spirit.

My spirit is woven into every thread of my life. As I get to know myself, and continually learn and change, so does my spiritual awareness grow.

The complexity of life is mind-boggling. And yet the human race is vulnerable to annihilation due to its own greedy over-consumption and pollution.

Yes, my thoughts are a jumbled mess of robust strands with flimsy, frayed ends branching into multiple strings, all connected, but blurred by fog as they part and merge. The resultant mixture is almost laughable.

I don't laugh enough. See - it's all connected somehow.

I'm not a naturally jolly person. I'm not sombre either. Generally I'm bright and cheery. But still, I don't laugh enough. I love it when the people I love make me laugh.

It is said that 'feel good' endorphins are released into the bloodstream with laughter. But if it's not funny, it's just not funny. And one of my pet hates is listening to someone who constantly laughs at themself - I mean, chuckle long and boistrously mid sentence, every sentence. It's not a conversation. It's sufferance. And it drives me nuts.

One thought leads to another, and my mind is never still. My busy mind ensures I keep learning, challenging myself and setting goals, but I need more stillness.

I am going to attempt to learn to meditate.